Growing up I used to bake, cook, sew, crochet, do various arts & crafts and I would scrapbook. My favorite gift from dad was cook books! All through middle school, cook books were at the top of my Christmas list. And I got them 🙂
I asked my dad to teach me how to sew and he did. Then he sent me to spend a week with my aunt. She taught me how to crochet and how to knit. I love my aunt!! In high school, my dad gave me a brand new sewing machine and my aunt gave me my very own sewing kit, full stocked. Best Christmas gifts ever! I made pillows for everyone. I was proud of myself. I crocheted blankets for my friends. I was happy.
My dad tried to convince me to go to culinary school after graduation. I declined because I hate to wash dishes. I would spend hours in the kitchen trying new foods. It was heaven. I even gave some of my friends cooking lessons. Instead have being forced to take Home Ec in school, I was the teachers assistant in the class. It was great.
My dad helped me make my first homemade scrapbook. We did not just buy a book and fill in the pages. We made the book from scratch and I was able to design each page however I wanted. Dad had no interest in such things, but he helped because it made me happy.
Once I started having children, I changed. I baked less and tried fewer new recipes. I stopped sewing. By the time of my second baby, I stopped scrapbooking. Now that I have three children I do not do any of these things. I have no idea where my sewing machine is. It is buried in some closet, but not sure which one. My scrapbooking supplies are lost to the depths of a dark storage unit, most likely never to be seen again. No clue where all my cook books went to. They are probably buried in a bin filled with old text books in the garage, but not entirely sure.
My belief was that as a person has children, they start doing more things. They start teaching their children all about their own hobbies in the hope of inspiring the children to learn and expand their own horizons. Obviously, I am backwards. There is no longer any joy in my hobbies. Baking cookies is now a messy chore that takes hours and includes lots of yelling. None of them will sit still long enough to learn how to sew or crochet. They run off with my yarn! Worse than a baby kitten.
I feel like a failure as a mom because I have lost all interest in these things. My oldest two daughters want to learn how to do these things. I have no patience to teach them. I have no interest in teaching them. Feelings of sadness and frustration overwhelm me because they need to learn these skills, yet I cannot bring myself to teach them. They will not sit still, or follow directions. And the endless arguing!!
I wish I could be more like I used to be. Maybe it would bring some joy to my life. Maybe I would feel better about myself. Maybe I could laugh and smile again.