I am so angry I want to cry! Double duty my a$$!!! I am not a maid! I am a person and I have my own needs and I need help. I am not the only person that lives here, eats here or sleeps here.
The children are young. I am told they need to focus on being kids, focus on their educations and just be able to have fun. He works hard all day. I am told that I need to understand how draining it is for him to work all day and then come home to his children. I am home all day. I am told I need to understand that as the stay at home mom, it is my job to handle the chores and make a welcoming home. I say this: I want to curl up in a ball in a dark room and remove myself from all aspects of human interaction.
As a child I had chores. My dad said, “I don’t cook, clean or do laundry. That is what I had kids for.” And he meant it. As soon as we were tall enough to push a chair up to the sink, dishes became our responsibility. Dad told us what to make for dinner, and we did the cooking and the clean up. If I went to school in the morning without making him fresh coffee, he would sit all day with zero coffee. The second I walked through the door, I was yelled at. I learned to make his coffee no matter what. Once, I missed the school bus because of it. I had to walk to school that morning. To avoid the highway, I took the long route and it was an hour walk. But at least I had remembered to make his coffee.
This is not my expectation with my girls. I expect them to pick up their toys, hang up their coats, put away their shoes. Help with dishes and put away their own clothing. I expect him to come home from work and pay attention to his children, not his damn phone! I expect him to help with chores. Take out the garbage, help with dishes. Does he even know how to use a broom or vacuum? Do my children know how to use these items?
I ask for help and all I get is argument. I told my second daughter-A- to pick up the toys she was playing with. She yelled “No!” and stomped her foot. That started a 20-minute long argument and the toys are still on the floor the next day. Everything is an argument with her. Non-stop yelling. Ask her to do anything and she yells and has a tantrum. There is no punishment that will make her listen. She wants everything her way and constant attention. She orders her sisters around like she is the adult. She hits her sisters. No amount of time in a corner will make her stop. And he plays on his phone during most of this.
My oldest-D-is not listening to anyone. She blames everything on her sisters. She told me I should not have had more children. She should have been an only child because then she would be happy. How do I respond to that? What do I say to her? She wants her sisters to go away. D told me that because I am always expecting her to do chores that I make her feel sad and she is depressed. Nothing makes her happy anymore. The deal was, I pay her cell phone bill, she does 3 loads of dishes and 2 loads of laundry a week. Now that she has the phone this arrangement makes her sad and depressed and I need to leave her alone. My dad would backhand me for that. He slapped me for less.
I want peace and quiet. I want to be alone. I love my children, but they are driving me nuts! They walk all over me. If I say anything, then I am being mean and I am wrong. He would have to put down his phone to help out and that request leads to screaming matches. Two weeks ago I told him I want to leave all of them and be alone. He simply said no.
While he is at work for 9 hours a day, I am at home with children. I am cooking, cleaning, entertaining, breaking up their fights, doing laundry. While he is hanging out with his friends on the weekend because he is stressed and cooped up in the apartment, I am at home with the children, cooking, cleaning, breaking up fights and listening to them whine about how bored they are. While he sits on his phone playing games for 2 hours or more a night, I am dealing with the children and the night time clean up and bedtime routines. He will not put his phone away to help with homework. He plays his games while trying to help them. It always leads to him yelling at the girls. D is now starting to yell back at him. She told him to just leave since he obviously does not care about any of us.
My daughter should not feel that way about her father. He is the one who needs to fix this and he is ignoring it. I am a doormat. I am ignored. Every waking moment is centered around my children and husband. No, I will not get help from them. I hate my life. I want to cry.
It is not abuse to expect children to help with chores. Putting away their clean laundry is not asking to much. Around here it is the cause of a meltdown tantrum. If you are obsessed with your phone, get help. Around here, I am supposed to just deal with it and accept it.