To all of the mothers-in-law of the world: cut the cord already!
He is a grown man, capable of deciding for himself whom to marry or procreate with. Thank you so much for your parenting ‘advise’. I just love being told that everything decision we make is wrong. I just love being told that he is not allowed to make decisions because I will not let him. Thank you for pointing out how miserable I make him and how he could have done more with his life. There was a moment when people were given the chance to object and they were told to speak now or forever hold their peace. When does forever start?
Lets get a few things straight. First, if you did such a wonderful job as a parent, he would not have communication issues, trust issues, problems with lying to me or the habit of shutting me out completely. Second, if you were such a wonderful parent during your heyday, your children would not have the drug histories that they do. Third, you would treat your children as equally as possibly, not flat out say that every parent has their favorite child and will do more for that child. You would not blame for children for having an ‘attitude problem’ with you when they say you have hurt their feelings or let them down.
Fourth, you never had children that were diagnosed by medical professionals with developmental delays. None of your children were ever labeled as autistic or ADHD. You have never lived with it day and night. You have never cried the amount of tears I have or lost as much sleep over this topic as I have. You have never hated yourself like I have for fear that I did something wrong to damn my children with these lifelong problems. You my dear, also have not done the amount of research on these topics that I have. Instead, you tell me I am turning my children into hypochondriacs because I take them to doctors and specialist. You do not even believe ADHD is real! According to you, it is made up as an excuse for parents to be lazy and ignore their children. You do not think their grades are a true reflection of anything and do not believe poor grades will have any impact on their future whatsoever. Learning delays cause poor grades without help and time. Poor grades and poor education lead to poor futures.
You accuse me of being a hypochondriac because I see a doctor. Forget the fact that I have a mental health diagnoses since the age of 7! We must ignore the fact of genetics and that my own father had mental health problems that are proven to be genetic. Please, continue to ignore the x-rays and MRIs that medical professionals have done and examined to show that yes, there are medical problems with my back and there is nothing they can do to fix it. Instead, let us continue on blaming me for every thing and believing your life choices. Here is a news flash, weed is not a magic cure all that fixes everything!!! People should not skip going to the doctor and just smoke weed because it will fix everything!!!!
I am so glad that you have adjusted your life to the changes that you have had to face. I am not that understanding. I will not find happiness in being a stay-at-home mom! Yes, I believe there is more to life than waiting hand and foot on my husband and children. Yes, I believe that I need an education so I may someday have a career and be financially stable. And yes, I believe that some things are not able to be ignored, so stop telling me to “just get over it”.
I will never be the person you want me to be. I will not take care of my husband the same way you did when he was a child. I will not fix all of his mistakes, right his wrongs, protect him from the bully down the street. I do not believe that just because he works hard during the week, that weekends are for him to have fun and relax. He is still a parent, even on the weekends. He has responsibilities that need to be addressed. No matter how many hours he works each week, he still needs to be active in the lives of his daughters. He still needs to be an adult and help with daily chores. Thanks to you, his major excuse to me about failing to do chores is, “I had a normal childhood, my mom did that for me. I didn’t have to.” He sounds worse than our 5 year old!
My parenting style is closer to that of my own family, not yours. We will never agree on parenting techniques. After 13 years, please just accept this and stop the negative, harmful, malicious, vindictive commentary. Especially those you post on social media. I am not the only one who sees through your thinly veiled jibes. Perhaps you should have learned a few more things from your own time raising children. You yourself have told me you disliked other people telling you how to parent your children. Then why are you doing the exact same thing to me? I do not see or hear you doing this to your other daughters-in-law. Oh, that’s right! As you love to remind me, I ruined your son’s life because I married him and I ruined your life because I had children with him.
These things, and so many more, are things I cannot say to your face. I do not like you, you hate me. I fear if I say these things to you, you will walk away from your grandchildren. You hardly see them as it is. You see one grandson on a continual basis, even taking him for numerous weekends and part of his summer vacation. The rest of your grandchildren, you only see at family gatherings where multiple generations are present. You make promises to my daughters and then break them. You promise to attend an event, then cancel at the last minute. Or worse, call a day later with some pathetic excuse. How have you missed that fact that they do not take your calls anymore? One of your granddaughters has her own cell phone. She will not reach out to you unless I make her. She hangs up on you when you call her! And you blame her for having bad manners. I try to stay civil because any problems between us, cause him pain. He should never have to pick between his wife and his mother. He has never defended me against you either. If only you paid enough attention to the things he says about you when you are not around. I can enrage you. He could make you cry. And that is far worse in my opinion than anything I can ever do. I take your verbal abuse in an attempt at keeping the peace between him and I. There is no longer any hope that you will care about your granddaughters or try to be active in their lives, so I will no longer try.
Get over yourself woman. You are not perfect and never have been. I make no claims to perfectionism. However, I will not take part in the outdated, archaic belief that a woman’s place in the home. As you have tried to tell me on numerous occasions, a good woman keeps the house and kids well cleaned and taken care of to show appreciation for all her man does. His job is to work and bring home a paycheck. A good woman’s job is to clean, have a hot meal on the table when he returns home, entertains the children while he relaxes in front of the TV and makes sure he has time for his own pursuits on the weekends. A good woman only needs to take care of her family. Then I am NOT a good woman!! And I never will be.