Mom bashing, parent bashing, lack of support, holier-than-thou attitudes; all things I see and hear on a daily basis. I am sick of it. We all have our own reasons for making the familial decisions that we do.
Being a stay at home mom is not for everyone. Being a parent in general is not for everyone. For some woman, being a stay at home mom is the best thing ever. It fulfills them in every way they can think of and they would never change it. To these moms I say, rock on!! Look forward to each day with your children. Bask in the happiness that fills you when you see your family and home. Cherish the memories you are making.
For others, it is not a path to happiness. I stay at home for one reason: money. Daycare is so outrageously expensive. I lack the skill set most companies are looking for because I do not do sales. I hate sales. This is the bottom line for our family. Staying at home is the number one source of my depression and no amount of therapy helps. I feel useless, tied down, hopeless, lazy, pathetic and isolated. Surrounding myself with children drags me down. They do not stimulate my mind or my boost my energy. To be honest, I did not like kids even when I was a kid. I preferred to be around adults.
Often times I wonder if this arrangement would be different if I had help. My children believe that I am here to be their maid and nothing else. No amount of punishment changes their attitudes. Example: After refusing to clean their room for a month, I entered with garbage bags. I filled three garbage bags with toys and put them in my closet. The girls’ response was to call grandma (my mom). Her and her husband went out and bought them new toys and delivered them to my small apartment and told me I need to remember that kids will be kids and they need to have a normal childhood. Such bullshit!! Since when is it unreasonable to expect children to pick up their own toys? How is it ruining their childhood to expect them to clean their room? FYI: my brothers are in their 20s and mom still does their laundry for them.
The husband is the worst of all. Example: as I am getting myself and the girls ready for church on Sunday, I asked him to run to buy diapers. We only had two left. He huffed, puffed, sighed and rolled his eyes. No, I cannot just stop on my way to grab some. Please just go now. So he went. And bought the wrong size diapers. His explanation was “How am I supposed to know these things?” Seriously?! You have three children and you can only remember the correct size if I tell you?
Any requests made of him to help with daily chores is met with sighs, rolling eyes, snarky comments, slamming cupboards and raised voices. He works hard all week, why should he have to do more around the house? Another example: he forgets to give our middle daughter her medications. His excuse is that he is not home all day with her and he does not remember. I say “honey, please give A her meds.” He responds with “in a minute.” An hour later, “did you giver A her meds?” His response, “I forgot.” How can you forget when I just asked you to do it? How am I out of line? Why I am the only one who is responsible for these things? In the grand scheme of daily life, my husband drives me nuts more than my children.
Perhaps being a stay at home mom would not be so bad if he helped more. Or if I felt appreciated in anyway. No matter what I make for dinner, it is not good enough. No matter how much I clean, the only recognition I get is “did you remember to do this?”. After six loads of laundry, all that I hear is that I did not wash the one shirt he wanted or the one dress my oldest wanted to wear. After scrubbing the entire kitchen, they just leave dirty dishes on the table and explain that it is ok because mom just cleaned the counters. Why not wash your dishes?
To those moms that love staying at home, run with it. To those that only do it because of necessity, I am sorry you are in this situation. Each family has to make their own decisions for the best possibly outcome. This is not my choice made out of love or happiness. It is made out of financial necessity only. I would love to work each day. Cooking, cleaning, chasing kids, changing diapers, repeating all of the above…that is not work to me. This just describes what I consider to be daily drudgery that all adults must deal with on some level. Work means accomplishing something, finishing a task, having something to show for your day or week. I have nothing to show for my entire life. I have no list of accomplishments and staying at home with kids does not help me achieve anything.
Think less of me if you want, but please remember, each person has different hopes and dreams. Your utopia is not my utopia.