I am so confused and frustrated!! I need smart people!! I need to read more. I need to take more classes. I need something!

Vitamins: B12 x1, C x1, women’s once daily multi vitamin x1, calcium with Vitamin D x2.

This is what I have taken each day for about the last four years of my life. My daily diet sucks. There is no other way to describe it. Added to the list above, I also take which ever antibiotic the doctor gives me and enough ibuprofen to make myself potentially sick. So much of it, the doctor is now testing my liver each year. I typically take 1800 mg a day, sometimes more. Plus coffee, soda, fast food, soda, candy & junk food, chips, coffee and more soda.

For the last five weeks I have not taken any supplements at all. Not one. And I have stopped taking ibuprofen except when my head feels like it is about to explode. No coffee after 6pm and this has been really super hard to do, less soda, more water and less fast food & junk food. During the last week I had to begin taking a probiotic supplement to help with constipation. I have also been changing my eating habits to include eating more than once a day, more fruit and more fresh veggies. Light exercise has been added in as well, mainly just stretches and roller crunches. The wheel with handles and I am in the pushup position but actually I am working my abs.

Here is what the last 5 weeks have been like:

  • shakes
  • headaches & migraines
  • double vision & blurred vision
  • zero ability to concentrate
  • body aches & pains too numerous to list
  • ZERO energy
  • cramping, bloating & constipation
  • dizziness & lightheaded
  • easily distracted
  • crappy, broken sleep
  • lack of appetite
  • eating makes me queasy
  • no more gut rot/acid burn
  • must wear belt with pants at all times
  • socks no longer cutting off circulation in my legs/calves
  • chain smoking like I did in high school
  • noticeably worse depression & anxiety (as in friends & family members are commenting about it)
  • cranky, moody, irritable, angry, complete with crying jags and screaming outbursts
  • almost fainted twice
  • blood pressure randomly dropping far to low, hence the fainting spells
  • reduced chest pains
  • reduced muscle spasms in my back

As I walked around, people could hear the pills/supplements rattling in my purse. This is no longer the case. I have been on medications for 6 ear infections this year. Currently, my 7th ear infection has started, but since it is not causing me pain, nothing is being prescribed as of yet. Hoping and praying it just goes away on its own. According to the scale, I have not lost any weight, nor did I believe that I had. Even though I feel bloated, my clothes are just fitting differently. A pair of jeans I have not fit in over a year, now fit.

I have no idea what is the source of my headaches. Are they truly getting worse and flaring more often? Are they rebound headaches & migraines caused by no longer taking the ibuprofen? Have they always been this chronic and I just forgot because I am so programed to reach for an OTC pain pill? No idea, but I would really love to know. Shouldn’t the rebound headache affect be done by now? I have taken OTC only four times in the last five weeks, this morning being the most recent. Try changing a squirming toddler’s diaper when you are seeing two of everything and her giggles sound like glass shattering your eardrums. You will reach for something too.

I have had issues with the shakes since I was a teenager. During the last few weeks things have changed. I am having fewer episodes, yet they last longer and they are more intense. The last time was so bad that I could not drive. J- asked me to run to the store and buy milk. All I could do was hold his hand and wait for him to say something. The look on his face almost made me cry. He was so concerned and scared. He went to buy the milk.

At first, food held no appeal. Just cooking for my children made my stomach turn. The last week has been better and I am actually hungry again. Fast food makes me nauseous now. I love fast food! Burgers, fries, fried chicken!! Mouth watering goodness in drive thru 🙂 It used to give me happy feelings. Made headaches lessen, reduced stress, made me feel better in tons of ways. Now it just upsets my stomach and it never sounds or smells good anymore. Soda is also losing appeal. It has become overly sweet, cloying,…yucky. I could drink two cans in an hour. Now one can takes me over two hours to drink. And I feel the need to brush my teeth halfway through it.

How many of these complaints were masked by taking supplements that I do not get in the foods I eat? How many of these complaints are caused because I no longer take the supplements or the OTC? Am I being negatively impacted by the amount of antibiotics I take each year? My norm is treatment for 6 ear infections, several cases of strep throat and at least two respiratory infections each year. May is just ending and I have already used most of my quota for the year. The doctor said I might have to try other forms of treatment for ear infections in the future. Of course, no one has told me what these other forms are.

And when are my moods going to finally even out! The physical ailments are hard enough to deal with. Add on the mental health impacts and I swear I am living in hell! I want to run away! I am locked inside my own head, facing an endless battle of emotional explosions all at once. Even this description is not strong enough to convey what it feels like. As my confusion increases, so does my anxiety and depression. As the pain increases, so does my anxiety. I am worried each time I go in public. What if I start shaking and drop something? What if I start getting dizzy and faint again? What if the cramping kicks into overdrive and there is not a bathroom close by? Can we say panic triggers?

I am so easily distracted lately. I am messing up in the kitchen on some of the simplest items. Two weeks ago I took a tray out of the oven bare handed because I never thought about using hot pads. It did not cross my mind right away that I was holding a hot baking sheet. After staring at it for a few seconds, my brain registered what was happening and I started screaming in pain. Survived with only 2 small blisters.

Am I trying too many changes at once? Was I masking problems? Why can’t I just have my way? I want to work with someone to learn how diet and proper nutrition can help improve my overall health, help improve my mood and help reduce pain. And I cannot afford to pay $50 for half an hour of some one’s time once a week. And my insurance will not even consider helping me with the cost. I feel cheated by the insurance company. I am willing to split the cost in half with them. Wouldn’t it be cheaper to do this instead of constant clinic visits for everything under the sun? Look at how much it costs them to cover the cost of antibiotics for me each year. I think it would be better and cheaper to get me healthier and just avoid the need for those meds all together. But what do I know?