My baby is growing up. I swear, if one more boy looks at her in public, I may just snap. D- is 14 years-old, willowy, beautiful, smart, hard headed and stubborn. She also has autism. She is easily influenced by pressure from anyone-peers and adults both-and lacks a general understanding of life.
When she is in a mood, she says things that are hurtful. She tells stories that could result in severe consequences. Yes, she has accused both her father and myself of abuse. She screams that her teachers do not care and no one understands her.
However, she is a teenager and she is growing up. I remember when she was born, she would curl up on my chest and fall asleep each night. She would run into my arms when I picked her up from daycare. I have watched her grow and learn new things. I have watched her fail at many things in life. We have tried to teach her that everyone makes mistakes and that is perfectly fine. According to her, it is failure. Even her therapist cannot convince her that mistakes happen and they do not make you a bad person.
She is learning about hair and make-up. D- has a strong interest in fashion. So we set her up with her own Pinterest account. One that I can monitor, but I do not control it. I have zero expectations that she will follow my fashion tastes, or my hair styles or my preference for make-up. The hope is that she can now see other styles and ideas to help her determine what she likes and what she does not.
Here is the problem we parents face: mentally and emotionally, she is not a teenager yet. She is delayed and no amount of support or therapy or specialists will ever change this fact. I am scared for her. Boys look at her and they do not see a child with autism. Not until they take the time to talk to her. Then they walk away and lose interest. Children she has been friends with since elementary school have walked away from her and called her childish because she is not at their level mentally. Their words, not mine.
I want her to succeed in life. I have always told her, “D- I have no idea what you are going to do in life, but I know you will shine.”
The fear is real. Her friends are dating, yet she is completely freaked out by it. It bothers her so much, that she is avoiding some of her friends. She still watches cartoons and plays with Barbie dolls. Her friends mock her for this and call her childish. They know she has autism, yet they expect her to keep pace with them. As a high school student, she worries about fitting in. No thanks to one fellow student in particular, she has no doubt at all that she does not fit in. That resulted in a crying jag and a melt down as soon as she came home from school. Within minutes, I was on the phone with the school. Do NOT bully my child because she has autism. Should I bully you because I do not like your hair cut?
I worry about her future. I wonder what is going to happen after high school. Where we live, she receives services while she is a minor. However, once she turns 18 and graduates from high school, all services stop unless we pay for them out of pocket. There is no way we can afford that. I have done my research and explored the costs. To pay for the same kinds of services would cost our family over half of our monthly income. And that will be the bare minimum of services she is currently receiving.
She is growing up and I still see the little girl that use to cuddle with me on the couch to watch cartoons. I still see the little baby that once crawled into bed with me at 5:30 am each morning to tell me she was hungry. I also see the young girl that excels in science and loves math. The girl that wants to know how machines work. Why does the weather change like it does? How does the moon affect the weather? Why are there more boys at NASA than girls? Yes, she is focused on space, weather and NASA. This has been a pattern of hers since she was 8 years-old. I told her to graduate from college and go work for NASA if that is what she wants. This year her idea has been to be a “weather woman” on TV. Sounds good to me.
Her biggest setback is a lack of independence. This is typical with children in a similar place on the autism spectrum. As least, that is what all of her doctors tell me. I need her to learn to be self reliant. I need her to learn to be independent. Her future could very well depend on these skills. As a parent, I fear for her future.
Hello Friend. I just read your post, and I am glad that I did. I really see and feel your genuine interest for your daughter through the words in this post. Thank you for sharing this. I understand your fear, any parent would have this to be honest. If I may ask, dear friend, do you believe in God? God is the creator of the universe and everything within. Although we humans can plan things, it is God that establishes our steps. Have you taken the issues to God in prayer?
The bible says in Proverbs 16: 9
“We can make our plans,
but the Lord determines our steps”
The bible says in Philippians 4:6
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God”.
God knows that you do not have all the answers. He knows that there are things that you are worried about, and he is ready to help you. Do not be anxious, take your requests to him in prayer. There have been many times in my life where I have asked God for something that seemed impossible to me. I just asked and even I wondered how God would do it. I was shocked at how God did some of those things. It felt miraculous, it felt unbelievable, but it really happened.
The bible says in Luke 1:37
“37 For with God nothing shall be impossible”.
I do not know whether you have a relationship with God or not. If you have a relationship with him, do not lose faith, trust in him and take your requests to him in prayer. If you do not have a relationship with him, I suggest you build a relationship with him, and also teach your daughter to build a relationship with him. God will guide you both and his mercies will be with you.
Here are my detailed suggestions on how you can build a relationship with God.
1. Confession of faith: you need to find a quiet space. Imagine that Jesus is in front of you. Ask him for forgiveness of your past sins and the sins of your ancestors. Ask him to give you the strength to forgive those who have offended you. Honestly, I suggest that you forgive the people who have offended you, because whatever they did to you is now in the past, and upon a confession of Jesus as your Lord, you become a new creation. In addition, God commands that we need to forgive others, before he can forgive us. You can also get a deliverance before your confession of faith. Deliverance will rid you off any ungodly spirits that have taken residence in your body and mind. A pastor with a deliverance anointing should be able to help with this. There are also videos on YouTube, where pastors with a deliverance anointing pray directly for people through the videos. You just need to search “deliverance prayer” in the search bar to reach these videos. Now, you need to tell Jesus that you want him to come and be your lord and personal savior, and surrender to him. You need to know that Jesus died for you. He died on the cross so that you may have a chance at salvation. The minute you give your life to Jesus, you need to know that you can no longer live as you wish, you shall live according to the stipulations in the bible. Believe in your heart that Jesus was risen up from the dead by God, and confess with your mouth that he is the messiah and your personal savior.
2. Prayers: ask Jesus to bless you with eternal life. Tell him to make a place for you in his heavenly abode. You need to understand that praying for heaven is the best prayer that you can ever pray. Life on earth is so short, you need to be worried about eternal life, which is so much longer. God knows that you need clothes, food, shelter etc. He is your creator and he knows your every need. The bible tells us to pray for eternal life and God would provide our other needs (i.e. clothes, shelter etc.) according to his riches. If there is something bothering you, tell God in prayer, commit it to him and ask him to do it for you. However, bear in mind that this life is temporary and so are the things in this life. When you are praying, the devil will try to disrupt your prayers by bringing sudden disturbances and evil thoughts. An example of an evil thought that the devil tries to use to stop people from praying is by bringing the thought that Jesus is not present and that they are simply wasting their time. Jesus is there with you when you pray. So pray like you mean it. Pray the same way you will if Jesus was right in front of you because he is. You need to understand how prayers work as well. You see, when you pray, God answers prayers. God usually has three answers to prayers Yes, Yes but Wait, and No. God has a reason for every answer that he gives. He loves you and he will make sure that everything works out well for you in the end. When you get a No from God, sometimes it is not because that thing is not good for you at that point in time, but it may be because God is trying to draw your attention to something that you are doing wrong in your life. When you get a No from God, you need to evaluate yourself, what is the motive of your prayer? is it pure? Is it Godly? Is there an area of sin in your life that you need to work on? When you reflect on these things and you find something in yourself lacking, try to fix it. When God says Yes to prayers and sends you his blessings, trust me, there are spiritual forces of the devil in high places that work against people so that their blessings from God would not reach them. You need to pray against these spiritual forces. Rebuke them by the power and the name of Jesus. This way, your blessings would be able to reach you. Lastly, some people pray lazy prayers. For example, someone might pray for a job, without actually applying to any. God does not reward laziness. When you are praying for something, you need to be putting some work in as well. God rewards hard-work and we ought to strive to be hardworking. God’s role is to direct, bless, and make your path clear. However, bear in mind that sometimes God answers even lazy prayers and gives us undeserved blessings, that shows you the power of his love. He would always be with you. You need to make sure that you are close to God in prayer. Do not cease to tell him about what you are struggling with. If you are struggling with sins of the flesh that you believe are hindering your spiritual growth, you need to make sure that you tell God. Make sure that you pray for an increment in faith. Faith is important, you need to have faith in God. When we pray, we need to have faith, God does not like it when we doubt his ability to provide us with what we want, he is mighty and nothing is impossible with him. When you are low in faith, pray to God for an increment in faith. Remember to pray for your family, your city, your country and the world in fact, no prayers are too big for God. Pray that unsaved people would be saved. Pray for your non-Christian family members, pray that they see the light and become saved. When you pray, make sure that you take care of sins. The bible says that we need to forgive others if we want our sins to be forgiven. Make sure you forgive others, ask for forgiveness of your sins first before praying. Sins can block your prayers from getting to God. Try to avoid sin, but pray for forgiveness of sins everyday, because sometimes, we are not aware of the sins that we are committing. When you get answers to your prayers, remember to thank God.
3. The Bible: You need to make sure that you are reading the bible and that you are obeying it. I suggest you begin with the New Testament because the coming of Jesus changed many of the things that were practised before. However, bear in mind that the old testament is also important. You can find free bible apps on google play. You can also find free bibles online. The New Living Translation is an easy to read bible version. However, the most popular one is the King James Version.
4. Hearing from God: Trust me, God would speak to you. He would speak to you through dreams. Through people, through situations, through the bible and so much more. You need to practice and perfect the art of hearing God’s voice. Dreams contain a lot of symbolism. When you possess an avid knowledge of what the bible says, you would understand the biblical meaning of all the symbols in your dreams. However, for now, you can search online bible dream dictionaries for the meaning of things you see in your dream. You also need to know that although there are general meanings for some symbols, some interpretations are based on context. Take context into account. God does communicate via dreams. Sometimes, you might be asking God for direction on something. Pay attention to the words all around you during this time i.e, the things people say, words you see when reading the bible etc. Sometimes you might even just turn on your TV and the TV anchor would say something that directly relates to what you are going through. Pay attention to these things. You would know it is God’s voice when whatever is said is not in contradiction to the bible and God’s nature. If it is in contradiction then it might just be something random that popped up. You can also hear God’s voice by meditating on him. You can do this by finding a quiet space, you can play some background Christian music if you want. During this time, close your eyes and focus on God. Do some praise and worship in your heart first, then invite Jesus to come to you. Ask a question and pay attention to any bible verses that are brought to your mind, inner voices that you hear, any general feelings etc. If what is said is in line with the bible, then it is probably God speaking. It might take several weeks before you begin to hear God via meditation. If you keep trying one method and it does not work, try another method, like paying attention to the words around you. As you practise the art of listening and hearing, God might give you the gift of seeing visions or the gift of hearing an inner voice, and take you to deeper depths of hearing.
5. Fasting: fasting is an effective way to get God’s attention. Fasting is a way to spend time with him. You deprive yourself of food because what you seek for is more than food. There are different types of fasting, and you need to plan what works for you. There is the:
A. Avoidance fasting: This is a fasting form where you avoid something that you cannot do without i.e. Coffee.
B. Daniel’s fast: In this sort of fasting, you only eat fruit and vegetables and drink water. You do not eat anything cooked or anything other than fruits and vegetables.
C. Water fast: In this sort of fasting, you do not eat anything, you only drink water. No food, just water.
D. Total fast: In this sort of fasting, you do not eat or drink anything. You do not drink even water.
Make sure that you work out what works for you. You can pray to God for directions on the timing of the fasting to follow. However, as a general time-frame, on fasting days, many Christians fast from 6am to 6pm. Many Christians also use those moments when they feel hungry/ feel cravings as prompts to pray. You need to have increased prayers during fasting periods.
6. Temptations: When you believe in Jesus. Trust me, the devil sometimes would throw trials and tribulations into your life, the goal of this is to get you to denounce your faith. The goal is to frustrate you. You need to pray and fast when trials and tribulations strike. God would never leave you or forsake you. He would be with you and with God, you will overcome this if it ever happens.
7. Spreading the gospel: Now that you know the truth, you are chosen. It is now your duty to share the truth in the bible with others. Make sure that you save people from falling prey to Satan’s tactics. You need to join the fight to depopulate the devil’s camp, while populating God’s kingdom. With spreading the gospel, do not feel the need to finish reading the whole bible before you begin. You can teach people the little you know.
8. Read: There is a lot of material out there. There are ministers of God who have practised for about 40 years. These people have a lot of stories about their ministry. Some of them have the gift to heal others, others see visions, some of them hear God’s voice. Many of these people have written books about how they accomplished what they have accomplished, and how they got their gift. Buy these books and read them. If you do not have money, some of these ministers have shared their stories for free on YouTube, take advantage of that.
9: Reform yourself: begin to watch Christian movies and listen to Christian music. Make sure that your thoughts, actions, and words are in obedience to the word of God. Make sure that you are not doing anything sinful in your thoughts, actions or words. Refine your world, the space around you, the things you see and hear, make it all about God. You can also join a community of bible believing Christians. However, I need to tell you that there is sectarianism in the religion. Do not pay attention to sectarianism, pay attention to the bible. The bible is your authority. If a church seems to have too much sectarianism issue going on, if they are more focused on promoting their denomination than promoting God and the word in his bible, you need to stop going there. Get a water baptism, and pray so that God would baptise you in the holy spirit.
(I know I have written this list in the order of 1 to 9. It is crucial that you begin with Step 1. Prayers are something that you need to do constantly, so is bible study, hearing from God and reforming yourself. However, you can start small with fasting and spreading the gospel. You can start by preaching to your family members in the beginning phase of spreading the gospel, but you need to expand on these over time. I know this list seems long and all these seem deep, but trust me, you would blend into it so easily and it would become second nature to you. Pray to God to make all of these easy for you, and he will. The devil would try to trick you into believing that God’s standards are too high and that you would never overcome sin, when in actuality, you can. So therefore, pray to God and believe and he would help you overcome sin).
If you ever backslide and fall back into sin again while trying to follow God’s word. You need to ask him to forgive you and try to get back on track.
If you have any questions, feel free to let me know. If you need to talk, I am here for you. God bless you. Have a blessed day 🙂
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Thank you so much! This is something I have been working on for the past few years. I enjoy the support.
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Thank you for your positive response. You are awesome. Stay blessed in Jesus name, Amen.
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