The last month has been emotionally difficult for me. I feel like I am drowning. My to-do list is growing longer with each passing day, yet I feel as if nothing is getting accomplished. Over the next six weeks, life will also include two family events, back to school for myself, the older two girls and starting pre-school for the youngest. Also the start of fall activities and my volunteer positions again. No wonder my mind is racing.
Here is the major source: we are moving again.
After spending most of my life living in apartments, we bought our first home. I love it! It is large, has a good kitchen, open living room, space for the girls and a yard. When we moved in I had big plans to personalize the space for our family, to really put our stamp on it and make it ours. The plan was to unpack everything, including the storage units. We only emptied one of the two units so far. We were going to sort through everything, downsize, organize and decorate the place to make it feel like our home. I wanted to personalize the bedrooms for the girls with a little paint on the walls and some built-in closet organizers.
J- has wanted me to wait on all plans. For over a year and a half, very little has been done. My bedroom still looks like a storage unit because of all the boxes that have never been unpacked. J- likes this place, but from day one, he has said it was only a start. We live in a trailer. He has found another trailer; a double wide. I have to admit, it is huge! The place desperately needs TLC. So far the plumbing has been replaced, what remained of the carpets has been removed and the broken cupboards in the kitchen have been repaired. This has been an ongoing project for months. J- does not want me to spend any money or make any changes around here since we will be moving. There is no date or time frame of when we are moving. This is driving me insane!!! I feel like I am living in limbo!
This topic has been heavily weighing on me. I pour out all of my thoughts and emotions in my private journal almost daily. The stress and pressure are building. I ask him if he needs my help with any repairs, and he becomes snippy. More than once he has just walked away from me and refused to talk about it. He will only work on it alone or with his friends. He has shut me out completely. Should I start packing? Should I start deep cleaning the new home? Negative attitude is the only response I receive. Why?
Please give me a time frame. Please update me on the progress. Please keep me in the loop so I have some piece of mind. I feel as if I am sinking faster and faster each day. I want to unpack everything. Not just some things. I want to seriously organize the things we have and downsize. Clearing away clutter has been something that I have been working on since we moved in here Yes, I have made progress, but not enough to truly make a difference in my mind.