I should be sleeping right now. Homework is done. The family has been in bed for a few hours already. But I just need some time to reflect and clear my mind.
The last week has not been the easiest, and this weekend was a major letdown.
This past week was my Dad’s birthday and the anniversary of his death. It hits me hard each year, no matter what I do. One morning, while still in my pj’s, I had the overwhelming urge to bake a chocolate cake. I was still drinking my morning coffee, had just gotten the two eldest girls off to school. It just rushed me that I had to bake a chocolate cake. Later, while it was cooling on the table, I looked at the calendar. It was Dad’s birthday. I cried.
This is hard. I feel empty. Yes, I went to the clinic. Another sinus infection and bronchitis. This time around, they gave me two meds in an attempt to make it go away. So far, I am feeling better; just not 100%. I feel cold and not just due to the weather.
This weekend seen temps drop below freezing in some areas of the state. At night, we hover between 30-35 degrees. And the furnace is broke. I called our maintenance plan for a repair-won’t be here until Wednesday. Our oven died on Friday. It has not been working correctly since we got it. Our maintenance plan said to use it until it dies, but it cannot be fixed. Well, it died. We were going to buy a used one this weekend. Instead, the property manager gave us a used one for free. It has been sitting in a storage shed for a year. Filthy! And we have no idea if it works. J- has not had the time to hook it up or inspect it. This weekend was drive thru and whatever could be made in the microwave. Blah!!!
I do not exercise anymore because I lack motivation & energy. The slightest thing drains me. It is difficult to explain. I just do not feel like myself lately. I feel down, dull, grey, isolated. Everything just feels off. Any of the activities that I enjoy have just not been happening. Some part of me is just missing… I have said this before and I know I will say it again. This is the only way I can describe what is going on inside of me and even this is a lacking description.
Trying to find something more positive to think about, the girls are doing well. D- is excited about a school project she is working on. She will give a presentation about Mozart to her class. She also found a new series of books at the library that she has become enthralled by. I know it is about a teenage girl and there are 17 books in the series. Other than that, I only know what she tells me about the plot. I think I will take a peak at it while she is at school tomorrow.
A- loves school and we went to family reading night this past Friday. The staff turn the library into a big reading party. Teachers and community members take turn reading books out loud and then they give away the books they just read. This year it was a firefighter that came in and read to everyone. A- is trying so hard to improve on her reading skills and this event just encouraged her even more. We have been taking trips to the public library for the last four weeks. This has resulted in more reading time and more fights over which book is best.
Hey ladies, all books have merit.
My little Q-, such a cutie. Friday morning was tough on her. Seeing her sisters head off to school in the morning made her sad. She does not have pre-school on Fridays. This eventually lead to tears and cuddle time on the couch. She is trying to point out colors, shapes, letters and numbers more than she ever has before. Flashcards are easier for her now. She can finally write “Q” all by herself!
I am looking forward to tomorrow. It is another day. I keep telling myself that this mood will go away and tomorrow will be better is some way. I hope everyone has a wonderful Monday as well.