nature forest trees park
Photo by veeterzy on

Not everybody has somebody. Let me explain.

If I need to see the dentist-which I do-I must enroll my toddler in daycare before scheduling an appointment. If I need to see my doctor, I either must bring my toddler with me or enroll her in daycare. If I need to see the eye doctor to have my Rx updated and order new glasses, same thing. I do not have friends and family to rely on for babysitting.

A little over 5 years ago, my back went out. I hit the floor and could not walk. I called my best friend for help. She told me she was on the way to the gym and then going to lunch with another person and I needed to just figure it out. I called my brother. He informed me it was not his problem and he was not a built in babysitter. I called my husband at work, no answer. Finally, I called 911. Paramedics had to carry me outside because I could not walk. They brought me to the hospital. The doctor refused to see me until someone came to the hospital and picked up my then 14 month old. The hospital even called my brother. He yelled at the nurse and said I was not his problem. I left the hospital that day without being seen.

Countless times over the years I have needed to see a doctor or dentist, and have not been able to. My dentist has told me not to bother scheduling an appointment until I have guaranteed daycare for my children. You should see the hole in my tooth right now and there is nothing I can do about it.

I ask J- if he can leave work early one day so I can schedule an appointment and the answer is no. I am told that my dental office needs to be more realistic and schedule appointments after 5pm. They will not do this. I am told that I need to stop asking people to watch my kids all of the time. I am told that I should have thought about this before I had children. They are my children, therefore, they are my problem and I just need to deal with it. And people wonder why I have trust issues.

Currently, I am facing an uphill battle. My doctor wants me to come in for an office visit. She needs to see me to monitor how I am doing with fibromyalgia. I have no one to watch my toddler, so I decline the appointment. My teeth hurt so much; anything harder than mashed potatoes has become off limits.

This has become a very sensitive topic with me. I keep reading articles about Date Nights to improve a marriage. My friends keep telling me about how their children are spending the night with grandparents, aunts, or babysitters, while my friends go to concerts, bars, out of town for a kid free weekend, etc. I am sick of hearing. Two weeks ago, a friend called me to vent her frustration with her mom. My friend wanted to go out for dinner and drinks with a group of people, but she had to decline because her mom would not babysit. It was so unfair! According to my friend, she is entitled to a life and she deserves to have fun, instead of being stuck at home all of the time. Hey honey, maybe you should have thought about that before you had kids. Turn about is fair play.

I operate under no delusions of grandparents taking the kids every other weekend just so I can have a social life. My thought process has always been, once you have children, kiss your social life goodbye. But it would be nice to have someone to rely on to watch my children for a few hours to take care of responsibilities. I am not looking for someone to watch my girls so I can go to the bar or out dancing. There are no plans for a weekend trip away. There are no concert tickets hanging in the balance. I just want to be able to take care of a few simple tasks-kid free.