With each passing day, more things in life change. However, some things will forever remain the same. The daily struggles with children, marriage and chores is a constant. Our expectations are all over the chart, and no one is on the same page. See Call me Doormat
J- has been working six days a week for the last two months. He comes home from work, eats, showers and falls asleep. There is almost zero interaction between him and us. Saturday nights he spends the night at a friends house and does not bother to come home until sometime Sunday during the day. Then he just ignores us, plays on his phone, takes a nap, or eats lunch and leaves again.
The arguments between us include hurling accusations at each other and name calling. We are both done with this. Our toxic relationship is causing so much pain to both of us and the girls. We have decided to go our separate ways. After a calm conversation last night, he finally admitted that he is just as miserable as I am and that he wants to leave. He said he has only been staying for the girls and to make sure that I stay in school. He is going to move out after Christmas. We do not want to ruin things right now for the girls and their holiday. This will be for the best.
Him and I want different things in life. After 16 years, it is time to just end it and move on before we end up hating each other. Finally, we had honest conversation and admitted how we feel.
It is like a weight has been lifted. Now I need to update my resume and start looking for work. I will need daycare again. There will be several changes next month and each one will be difficult for the girls. D- is a creature of habit. People with autism do not like change. Routine is crucial to their feelings of stability. She will need extra attention and support. A- is such a daddy’s girl, this will hit her hardest. But he has promised that he will still be a coach on her softball team next summer, just like he always has.
There is no point in trying to force ourselves to stay together at this point. For many years, I have felt as if I am ruining his life. He has felt the same about my life. Now it is time for each of us to find our own way, our own paths. I was 19 years old when we got married. It is time for me to find my own future.